An anonymous fourth grade teacher acknowledged, "Some of the guys were apprehensive at first, but we're totally on board now. I mean, if firefighters and dancers can do a calendar, why shouldn't we?" The veteran teacher also announced that he will be the cover and the August-featured model, with August being the first month in the school-year-based publication. Mr. Bandy, Mr. Danner, Mr. Trueblood were not available for comment. Naturally, Coach Sharp has opted out of the project altogether.
Kris Garrett, assistant principal also let it slip that the December page will feature most of the men - two principals, four teachers, a couple of paraprofessionals (including the incomparable, Mr. White), the building engineer, and a couple of the custodians. "Mr. Stewart [previous assistant principal] wanted to be a part of the project, but we had to remain pure to the project," said Garrett. "Sadly, he's in the Royal Heights [elementary school] family now, and though he has a place in our hearts, we just couldn't include him. We're in talks with his lawyers, as well as [recently retired teacher] Mr. Culberton's, about some other ideas they might be a part of, but I'm not allowed to disclose any information about that until we have signatures on a contract."
All of the men are currently conditioning with a strict exercise and diet regimen. "We have just a couple of months to work out in the summer. I would say the men are going to bulk up, but some are already bulkier than others," Bozarth said with a chuckle. "I'm not worried about it at all though. My guys always step up to serve the school. This being a fundraiser for the school, I'm certain they're all going to look buff."
"And if that doesn't do the trick, there's always airbrushing," laughed Garrett. "We're going to get this one right. We're professionals. This is going to put our school on the map, and it's going to make Joplin Schools the envy of Southwest Missouri."
Asked if this would be an annual fundraiser, Bozarth was cautiously optimistic that it could happen. "Who knows what the calendar will lead to?" he wondered. "If it's successful, we could license all kinds of merch. Of course, there's a fourth grade teacher down there who's is still banking on getting his own reality show. Worse ideas than this have taken off like crazy, so we're just going to ride the wave wherever it takes us.
Superintendent Moss also could not be reached directly, though her office released the following statement:
The school board and administration fully support the gentlemen of Cecil Floyd. These men have a passion for education, and they are putting their best feet forward in support of their school. They are to be commended for their willingness to exploit their strengths for a good cause.
This reporter will be first in line...that is, of course, unless this turns out to be some kind of cruel April Fools hoax, which of course it is.