I hear a lot of comments about low teacher salaries.

And then I see the late-model, fully-equipped cars and SUVs in the school parking lot.

With tongue in cheek, I ask, What are you thinking?  Those cars undermine your argument that the salary is inadequate.  They scream to patrons and passersby that you may not really need a raise - and these particular patrons may not realize that you have a significant other, or a gracious family who is subsidizing your educational mission.

Come on, people!  Leave that car at home.  Reserve its use for other occasions.  Don't let it see the school yard.

The last thing the teaching community needs is for the word to get out that we're rich!

The same might be true if you spend your own money on your classroom.  I mean, five bucks is one thing, but if you feel the need to put hundreds or thousands (or hundreds of thousands) of dollars into decorating your classroom, if you think your room has to be Pinterest-worthy, if you feel like you have to compete with the genius in the classroom across the hall, if you believe you have to pay for all of your own alternative seating (or whatever the current classroom fad might be), then you probably should take a day to think.

Pour yourself a cup of ice-cold chocolate milk.  Dunk a few Oreos.  Take a breath.  And think.

With all of our complaints about not getting paid like professionals, don't you see why?  Why should anyone pay us more if they can just pay us less and we'll make up for the difference.  Why should they pay us more when we have so much expendable cash.  We show our hand far too often in this fashion - so often, in fact, that there's a special place on your income tax form to write in how much you spent on your class.  What other profession has a special line on the tax form, people?  I propose that's because they know - or at least suspect - that we are suckers.

Thankfully, I have always worked in districts and schools who have taken care of me.  Our PTAs have always provided me with more than I deserve, and if I think of something too late for reimbursement, I can put it off for next year.  My profession has given me 27 years to spend other people's money, and if I do it well, I can get by.

If you're in a position that doesn't take care of your class, I'm sorry to hear that.  Maybe you can be the solution for your school or your district.

Now hop in that Porsche and get on home to your family!

As a parent or visitor to the school, I would not be impressed by a teacher wearing inappropriate clothing.  You want to wear tight clothing, or loose clothing, either of which have the possibility of being revealing?  The schoolhouse is not the place for mini-skirts, tank tops, cocktail dresses or tuxedos.  You want to wear sweats or pajama pants?  Not in the classroom.

More than that, I do not understand the continued desire to reject professional attire.  What is wrong with wearing slacks and a button down shirt?  Blue jeans are really not more comfortable than slacks, are they?

And why do people want to push the limits of the professional dress code?

I expect my doctor, my lawyer, and my mechanic to have a certain look, and I appreciate a teacher who tries to elevate the profession by looking professional.  Too, why shouldn't we be the first to set proper examples for our students?  I feel like when I dress down, I tell my students they aren't worth my best effort.  Ten-year-olds probably don't care much about it, but it's a symbolic in my attitude.

I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but if you are the book, you might at least consider putting on your best book jacket.

With much thought and conversation about this year's school slogan, some of us decided to synchronize our bulletin boards.  The slogan is Race to Excellence, so we produced a set of silhouettes with an Excellence Is... theme.  There is plenty of room in the skylines of these boards to allow for some excellent student work, as well.

We tend to see things as You need to make it so fun that they don't realize they're learning.

Bologna  (or baloney, if you prefer)!

I see teachers all the time who think everything has to be a game.  Everything has to be fun.  Everything has to be active.

Now I'm all for student engagement; I always try to keep 'em turned on to their learning.  But I do not subscribe to the theory that everything is sensory or that every lesson must have a tactile trait.  And I don't think the educational process has to stop for brain breaks to occur.  I suppose it's that eclectic part of me - that those things can be appropriately embedded or not embedded at all.

I find that when students are interested, they can go for longer periods of time in quiet study.  It's magic when it happens:  they're not asleep, but they're not bouncing off the walls either.

Yes, this is coming from the guy who wants to make lessons profoundly special.  Does that sound out of character for me?  I guess it comes from the realization that I understand that I can't do it all through active projects, but that it takes a combination of strategies.

My students need to exercise self-control by understanding there is a line in the sand.  They should understand that there is a time for conversation, and there's a time for tranquility.  There is a an appropriate time for getting dirty, and there is an appropriate time for staying out of the mud.  As the teacher, I have to give my students variety in order for them to develop adaptability.  That's why I expose my students to direct instruction, discovery, collaborative and cooperative work, drilling, and self-directed projects.  It's a variety that requires them to be on their toes.  They need to analyze the situation and the setting in order to be adapt their behavior accordingly.

In other words, students need to determine when it is appropriate to make loud noises and when they should keep quiet.  Otherwise, you get those kids at the supermarket who don't think twice about playing with the toys on the shelf or yelling at their siblings across the aisles.  You get kids who can't sit still at a funeral.  You get those kids who act more like they're at a football game than a church service.

​See what I mean?  In the classroom, I don't need to stop one activity in order to play a game or do an exercise for the sake of a break.  There should be enough activity and interest in my instruction to keep them on their toes and satisfy those needs.  It takes a little more effort than just stopping instruction and starting a movement video, but it can be done without wasting valuable time.

As reported earlier, our classroom is ready.  It sits empty of life except when I have visited weekly to set it up.  One thing that sets our room apart is the way in which we celebrate successes and appropriate conduct.  With our room darkened and the press of a button a wall and ceiling dance with red, blue, and green lights as red and green lasers paint the entire room.  The stage is set for a minute of jumping up and down and wiggle around to preselected music.

In this picture, the ambient lights suspended from branches on the ceiling are also turned on.  These lights can also provide us with enough lights for presentations when the harsh fluorescent lights are turned off.

You had to know this was coming.  If you've read the rest of my Professional Pet Peeves, you just had to know I would make a post specifically about this.  Please, oh please, do not tie yourself to a teachers edition, or a textbook for that matter.  Do that, and you automatically tie your hands behind your back.  Do that, and you relinquish your authority as an educator.  Do that, and you are beholden to the megalomaniacal conglomeration of textbook frauds (I hope they weren't looking for me to represent them after I retire; that could've been a nice gig.).

You see, those books are just too scripted for me, and as a teacher I'm just not much of an actor.  My teaching is real.  I am real.  My students are real.  I am too passionate to shirk every last iota of creativity in my abilities and mindlessly follow that textbook.

Like often, I have to allow that everyone gets some things right, and that's obviously true of the textbook publishers. Obviously, with the amount of stuff they put in that TE, they're bound to get something right.  Eventually.  I just don't see any expediency in rifling through all the fluff when I can just as easily create it myself (or ask my peers for help, or even find it with a quick internet search).

Follow their script, and you'll soon find yourself behind.  And you'll worry about it, won't you?  Tie yourself to that teachers edition, and you'll miss the teaching of some very important skills or content.

So my advice to you - because I know you might long for some guidance - is to use the teachers edition only when you need it.  Don't take it home, and don't leave it open to the next page.  Don't follow along word for word or page by page.  Use it, sparingly, when you're stuck.

And don't assume that it teaches the things you need to present!  Far from it:  that textbook does not know your students.  It may even confuse you and your students, getting bogged in the mire of a so-called expert, doctor of educational discombobulation (DED).  The DEDs believe your classroom is like a computer program.  They sit in their university offices, and they create programs and flow charts that they think every student falls into:

     If this, then goto there

     If not, then goto another there

     If neither, then return to there

     If both, then stay here

The problem lies in the facts of nature vs. nurture - or rather the combination of the two.  Those pesky kids of yours tend to come with their own quirks, strengths, and glitches, and no flow chart is going to scientifically work for them all.  You have to know that's true!  Do your students a favor:  get your nose out of the teachers edition and look those kids in the eyes.  See them as human beings and unique people - not as blips on your monitor to be systematically manipulated by the knobs and dials of a person who's not even in the room.

Our stage is made from an extra table.

I removed the lower parts of the adjustable legs and replaced them with tennis balls to protect the carpet beneath.

I then "procured" some of the same carpet squares for the stage, making the perfect surface.  

Two spotlights on the ceiling are directed at the stage for important moments.

Our stage is in front of our SMART Board, allowing a student or instructor to teach the class.

With all of the talk about alternative seating these days, our stage offers students a place to sit on the floor so they can still have an elevated surface on which to work.

Teachers, please take care of yourselves.  In the words of the Kenny Rogers' song,

That's not just true if you are a gambler, folks.  There comes a time when you have to stop worrying about the job, and go home to your family.  Or your dog.  Or your refrigerator.  Whatever:  just go home.

And don't take your work with you.  Leave it in your classroom.  I hate to say it, but if you're spending so much of your time outside of the school day working on school work, you might need to think again about the way you are doing things.  Just because you don't go to work for a couple of months in the summer does not mean that you have to make up those missed hours during the school year.  Is that what your contract says?

I think of the old comparison that's made with the safety protocol on an airplane.

My friends, you have to reread that line:  "secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person," in reference to the child traveling beside you.  Teachers, you cannot assist your students if you don't take care of yourself.  Your health matters.  Your fatigue matters.  Your family matters.

This should be irrefutable.

​I guess I was in high school when I first used the KISS acronym:  Keep It Simple, Stupid.  Whether you want to use the word stupid or not is not the point; the rest of the term is the point.  Keep it simple.  Are you making your task more difficult than it needs to be?  Is there an easier way to take care of your responsibilities?  Are your priorities in order?

You can still be effective - in fact, you can still flourish in your career and greatly affect your class - and work smart, not hard.  Please stop.  Smell some flowers.  Hug your children.  Love your spouse.  Nourish yourself.  Mow your lawn.  Take some time to watch a classic RomCom on TCM.

Do your job, and do it well, but take care of yourself along the way.

Here is Mission Control for my classroom.  It's where I do my best work.  That, of course, is my district-issued laptop on the main surface, along with a desk lamp.

On the upper left, carpeted shelf rests the document camera.  Below that is a fan and power strip, and beneath that are some assorted notebooks and books.

The "keyboard" tray provides an excellent place for scratch pads and all of my remote controls.  The remotes are as follows:

• A programmable digital message sign.
• The VCR/DVD player attached to the projector
• Surround sound speakers
• Our special effects lighting, including the ambient lights, the black lights, the stage spotlights, and our celebratory lights and lasers
• The projector for our SMART Board

Those students.  The ones in your classroom.  They are not your friends.

Oh, I suppose you can be amiable with them.  You can demonstrate kindness to them.  But please don't be their friend.  Undoubtedly, you risk maintaining your authority when you do so.

I hope that doesn't sound too harsh.  Don't misread me:  I'd like to have more friends.  And it that shouldn't be taken as in the teacher is the supreme commandant of the stalag, the micromanager of the office, master of slaves.

Indeed, you can never have too many friends.

Says James Taylor, You've got a friend.

Says Randy Newman, You've got a friend in me.

Says Barbra Streisand, People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.

John Denver:  Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy.

Coca Cola:  I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony.

Johnny Cash: I fell into a burnin' ring of fire.

But I digress.

I'd like to have more friends, but my students should not be among them.  I tell them that when they are out of our school, that when they see me after they have left for middle school, I will be their friend.  Until that time, they must recognize that I have a job to do regarding their lives.

You see, we treat our friends differently than we do our bosses and teachers.  We say things to our friends that we shouldn't say to our teacher of our preacher.  We act differently around our friends than we do around our teacher. Let's not invite unwanted treatment by calling our students our friends.

It's not that I don't love my students and want the best for them.  I just want to postpone using the term.

Watch this video, and describe the scene:

Write down the first mathematical question that comes to mind.

As a class, we will decide on a central question to work on.

Make three smart guesses to answer the central question:
a guess too low, a guess too high, and a guess in the middle.
​
​Place your guesses on the number line.

What information is necessary in order to answer our central question?

How close was the actual solution to your estimate?

What would have helped you achieve a more accurate estimate?

​Did you make any mistakes along the way?
​Fix them.

How might you avoid such a mistake in the future?

Explain your work to someone else?  Did s/he do the work differently?
​Can you explain the process using the other person's methods?

Assistant Principal McCombs just asked that all teachers enter their schedule into a wonderful Google Document. Here's what I offered:

As I understand that emails can get lost, erased, and hacked, I thought I would record Mrs. McCombs' response here for posterity.  She wrote:

I'm going to take her for her word, fully knowing that she would never meet my lunacy with sarcasm of her own. First, I have to admire the great enthusiasm of her initial WOW!  All caps and an exclamation point indicate that she really means it.  Next, I am so pleased to have inspired my administrator.  It's always rewarding to lift other people up. Thirdly, I didn't expect to see to receive recognition for my attention to detail.  I actually felt like I was being quite vague; obviously, I am more an overachiever than I realized.  Finally, I am blown over by her final triple exclamation that I am amazing!!!  I humbly accept the validation. Ø

FOOTNOTES
*      Ennui is a feeling of dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement. \
​#     Please allow us five minutes of lunacy amidst such a busy day.
@    Actually, we'll likely never get around to any of this.
$     What can I say?  I work for the government. +
>     We'll work up an appetite by this time. <  
%    On second thought, I'll let parents handle those talks.
​=     Five minutes should do it. Œ
Ø    In retrospect, you should probably toss out this whole post and reject is as tongue-in-cheek b-o-l-o-g-n-a. ß
​
FOOTNOTES FOR THE FOOTNOTES
\      That might be because the kids haven't shown up yet.
+     It's satire. ^
<     Chocolate and Diet Dr. Pepper for the teacher are greatly appreciated.
Œ    It's the least we could do.
ß     That spells bologna. |

MORE FOOTNOTES FOR THOSE
^     That means it ain't real. ~
|     Pronounce it buh-lō'-nē. /

​AND TWO MORE FOOTNOTES FOR THOSE
~     Yes, I know ain't ain't a word, and you ain't gonna use it.
/      Not that it matters, considering you probably didn't read this far anyway. Æ

LAST ONE, I PROMISE
Æ    I've run out of symbols to use for footnotes anyway.

Everyday I hear a starter's pistol.  That's the special "gun" that signals the beginning of a footrace.  What I mean is that every morning, I have another chance for fresh start.

Sometimes it's fun to be impulsive and spontaneous, but on most days, when I hear that bang, I really need to take a look toward the finish line.  I need to see how far away it is, I need to see who and what lie between it and me, and I need to pace myself accordingly.  When the gun goes off and my feet push off of the blocks, I need to focus on my route and make adjustments as needed.  I also need to be prepared to break the tape at the finish line.

All of that from the starter's pistol.  It means more than the beginning of a run.  And it could mean the difference between finishing and winning.