Many of us would consider ourselves to be introverts. Some of us even wear that label proudly. We tell others that’s the way we are, and there’s no changing us. The problem with that is that it’s not completely true. There are certain personality traits that we inherit or develop, but that doesn’t always give us the excuse to give up trying. Growing up, every year, before school began in August, I would have a talk with God about bringing me out of my shell. You see, I have always found it comfortable getting up in front of a crowd of people, acting and singing in plays and delivering speeches - the larger the crowd, the better - but to talk one-on-one or in a small group has always been a struggle for me.
To this day, I don’t know how I got to where I am. Because of my introverted personality and an awkwardness with small talk, I was not so good at dating. You want to hear the saddest story ever told? I strongly dislike telephones. I would rather drive across town to talk to somebody in person than pick up the phone to call them. I think there’s something about talking to a person and not being able to see their nonverbal communication that makes me a bit paranoid. No one likes going to get fast food with me, because I won’t go through the drive-through.
It probably stems from when I was a teenager. At night, in my bedroom, I would rehearse my side of a phone call to a girl. I would go over every possible outcome, every answer she might give to my questions. I practiced my reactions, experimented with various inflections, and put words together in rhythmic sentences. I wanted to be ready!
You’ll be pleased to know that, one time I made the call. I padded to the wall phone and deftly dialed the seven digits of a girl’s phone number. The girl herself answered, and we had a conversation!
Right there on the telephone!
I talked to her. She knew who I was and everything, and I took the plunge and asked her out.
Everything about that phone call is blurry. This was a slim redhead with a smile that lit up every room she entered. I promise that’s all I remember about her. I can’t even think of her name. It was a long shot that she would ever accept an invitation from me, but I had just popped the question - Would you like to go out sometime? - and she has just responded: “Sure. It would be fun.”
What did she say?
Did she say yes?
“OK,” I stammered. “I’ll talk to you in class, and we can make plans.”
And I never…talked…to her…again. We were in the same class. We saw each other every day. But I never said another word to her. She must have wondered if it was really me on the phone - or maybe she had misunderstood and thought she had made a date with someone else. For all I know, she never got married and is still sitting at home waiting for me to call her back.
Sadly, I still do a bit of rehearsing before initiating a phone call. It’s frustrating to say the least.
There’s another story to be told - about the first date with my wife. I was with another girl who insisted on picking up my future wife and her date. We were just going to an areawide singing at a congregation on the other side of Oklahoma City, but I wasn’t happy that this other couple was sitting in the back seat of my car. Plus, I had to meet the other girl’s parents (and the dad was a little on the intimidating side).
Since getting some alone time to get to know my date better, I decided I wasn’t going to spend any more time or money on this occasion than necessary. We went to Hardee’s before going on to the singing. At Hardee’s, this other girl (who is somehow now my wife of nearly 32 years) was so immature. She was pulling my date down with her. I don’t remember if the cowboy she was with ever said or did anything to help either. It was so frustrating.
And to top it off, her perception of me wasn’t any better. Because I was quiet, she thought I was stuck up - which was not the case, but what did I care? I wasn’t ever going to pursue a lasting relationship with her anyway!
I say that to say this: sometimes we hold back or we are not authentic, because we want to keep ourselves safe. We keep things on the surface and superficial. Not just with our dating relationships (Most of us here don’t have dating relationships anymore.), but with neighbors, coworkers, friends, and even family members. We don’t like when others see us misstep. Think about the last time you tripped: the first thing you did was look around to see if anybody witnessed the accident. Think about the last time you walked into a spider web: the first thing you did was look around to see if anyone saw you flailing ridiculously. Why? Because none of us wants to be embarrassed. We don’t like when people see our weaknesses. We don’t like when people catch us in our mistakes. We don’t like when other people see us being less than perfect. We don’t like when they witness our sin.
In teaching, I never wanted the principal to observe me unless I was at the top of my game. But later in my career, I discovered that there is comfort in having the type of relationship where it is OK for the other person to see my flaws. It is OK to be vulnerable. Those are the times when growth occurs the most - when we stop trying to project a false image and we let our guards down with each other.
It also allows the other person to open up to us. When we are vulnerable, sharing our stories and struggles with people, it sends a message of humility and offers the opportunity to serve one another.
Speaking of one another, every time the phrase appears in the New Testament, it is a risky way of saying that vulnerability is the acceptable manner in which rich, Christian relationships are formed. In this, God asks us to take risks.
Consider the risks involved by all parties in these one another passages:
- Accept one another – Romans 15:7
- Admonish one another – Colossians 3:16
- Be at peace with one another – Mark 9:50
- Be kind and compassionate to one another – Ephesians 4:32
- Be patient, bearing with one another in love – Ephesians 4:2
- Build each other up – 1 Thessalonians 5:11
- Carry each other’s burdens – Galatians 6:2
- Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another – 1 Peter 5:5
- Confess your sins to each other – Colossians 3:9
- Encourage each other – 1 Thessalonians 4:18
- Forgive each other – Ephesians 4:32
- Honor one another above yourselves – Romans 12:10
- Instruct one another – Romans 15:14
- Live in harmony with one another – Romans 12:16
- Love one another – John 13:34
- Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling – 1 Peter 4:9
- Pray for each other – James 5:16
- Serve one another in love – Galatians 5:13
- Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ – Ephesians 5:21
- Use whatever gift (you have) received to serve others – 1 Peter 4:10
We must stop trying to be the beginning and end to everything: that’s God’s identity, not ours. We must not be perceived as know-it-alls. We need to admit our flaws and understand that it is OK, while at the same time understanding that our flaws do not give us excuses to remain flawed. It’s simply not all right to say, “I was born this way,” “This is the way God made me,” or “I’m just being myself. This is who I am. Take it or leave it.” It is never OK to tell others that they must accept you just as you are.
Even when we sing that song, Just as I Am, what do you think we are singing?
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bid’st me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
With many a conflict, many a doubt,
With fears within, and foes without,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am—poor, wretched, blind;
Sight, riches, healing of the mind,
Yea, all I need in Thee to find,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Wilt welcome, pardon, cleanse, relieve;
Because Thy promise I believe--
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Just as I am—Thy love unknown
Hath broken every barrier down;
Now, to be Thine, yea, Thine alone,
O Lamb of God, I come, I come.
Last time, we learned that we should open ourselves up to love others. This week, we see some of the things that this entails - namely an acceptance that we are flawed, but a willingness to change with the help of one another. We are the family of God, ready to grow the church through our own love for each other and our growing ability to accept that we’re not the only flawed people in the neighborhood.